How To Get Up When You’re Down

Hi, I’m Sandra. Welcome to The Happyist. Here, we get unstuck through appreciation and holistic happiness. Best part? It’s easy and kind of fun.

So, we’ve talked before about how we can’t attract what we want if we’re out of alignment. And that you can’t attract from lack…which is exactly when we need to be our most magnetic, right? So, how do we get out of that vicious cycle? Because it has a nasty way of perpetuating.

Whether it’s needing money, wanting a relationship, desiring change, a promotion, success in your business, whatever it is, we have to be in alignment with that goodness. And that’s impossible to do when we feel terrible about our situation or, worse, ourselves.

When I tell you that I was broke, I was broke. Living from check to check, super in debt, paying utilities by which one was going to be shut off first, or what I called “The Color-Coded Accounting System.” And this continued for a long, long time.

I was so broke, I couldn’t afford to move. Really. I couldn’t afford to put down a deposit and first month’s rent on a new place. So, I was stuck paying rent on a place I could no longer afford. And I didn’t know how I was going to keep going like that.

How did that change? How did I get out of it?

To be honest, I really had to think about this, because it was a super slow roll. And it was far from perfect. If you’re in a place that sounds similar, believe me when I tell you it will change.

What it came down to for me was appreciation. Yep, my favorite A-word. And I didn’t even realize this was happening — it wasn’t exactly a conscious choice, which is probably why the roll was super slow — but it was happening.

When something good would finally occur, I would say, “Thank you,” and appreciate it deeply. Deeply. It was like a drop of water in the desert. I savored it. I let it replenish me. And then more good things started to happen. And I appreciated those, too.

The other thing appreciation helped me do, because now I was focusing on the good, was to stop waiting for the rug to be pulled out from under me. I stopped anticipating the next bad thing. That made space for more good to come, but it wasn’t always perfect.

I got a freelance job when I really and truly needed a job, that job was effing awful! But it was consistent, and I had some autonomy, which is another favorite A-word. From that job, and the consistency of it, I was able to pay my bills, and get a little bit ahead.

I knew I had to take the pressure off, and my biggest expense was rent, so I needed to move. Now, I’m particular. I like my part of town. I did not want to leave it. Ever. One night, I was randomly looking at rental listings and found a teeny tiny studio duplex that was exactly one mile east from where I was living, but in a lesser ZIP code. I sent an email that night, got a reply back the next morning, saw the place at noon and went to the office to sign the papers the next day. Luckily, even with my then-awful credit score, they took me without a co-signer. With that move, I saved $500 immediately. Even more, because utilities were included.

Now, some people would see that as a step backward, a failure. Moving from a good-sized, one-bedroom with hardwood floors and a backyard, walking distance to the beach, to a teeny, tiny place with carpeting in a lesser ZIP code (well, it was then; gentrification has occurred), and I’ll admit, it was an ego hit — instead of being one mile from the beach, I was two, LOL. But I so was relieved.

Making that move is what some call taking inspired action. Not a step back. Not giving up or giving in. It was taking a step that would propel me forward.

Ask yourself what you’re refusing to do. Something you know would help you but you just don’t want to give in in that way. For me, it was giving up that adorable one-bedroom duplex west of Lincoln. But that was all ego. And, honey, ego was not paying for anything!

I’ve said it before: this teeny tiny place has brought me wealth. I was able to pay off about $70,000 of debt, start retirement accounts — something I never thought I would have — and grow my savings.

Photo by Mesut Kaya on Unsplash

But let’s go back to that awful effing job that started the ball rolling. After a year, I gave two months’ notice, before I had anything else lined up, and I leapt! And went splat, because the net did not appear. Why?

I hadn’t done all my work.

Deep down, I believed I was stupid for quitting a job before getting another one. And I was going to show my stupid self how stupid I was. Worse, I was going back to wanting to be saved by someone. It’s not pretty. But it was one way to get attention and support from my family. That came at a cost, but, usually, they would help. However, by that time, I had ended contact with my family. So I didn’t have that option. I had to rescue myself. And that’s fun!

I finally got another job and, guess what? It was effing awful, too? Why?

Well, I resented myself for failing to support myself on my own, doing what I loved. Didn’t matter that I went through two recessions in that time and a lot of freelancers were in my boat. If only I believed in myself more, right? All that malignant optimism came crashing down.