Acceptance

Hi, I’m Sandra. Welcome to The Happyist.

It is what it is.

Doesn’t that just make you bristle? I certainly would when I heard that. But that’s because it’s usually delivered flippantly or, worse, defeatedly. But, if we change the tone, we can change our tune.

Acceptance is a big part of happiness. But we can get mixed up about what acceptance is. It’s not giving up and throwing in the towel. It’s not letting people get away with things. It’s not shrugging our shoulders or relinquishing power. As a matter of fact, acceptance is pretty powerful.

It’s seeing someone for who they are, which may differ from who we expect them to be. It’s seeing a situation for what it is, instead of what we assumed or hoped it would be. It’s getting clarity while refusing to attach a label to it. And labelling is just another way to say “passing judgment,” right?

We have a pretty terrible habit of labelling things as “good” or “bad”. Why? Why do we need to define and categorize everything? It removes the nuance. And nuance is important.

Today’s a good day, yesterday was terrible; I don’t even want to think what tomorrow could get up to. How often have we labelled our days this way? Pretty much every day, right? “How was your day, dear?” What’s your answer? No one ever says, “It was complex AF.” We say it was good, or okay, maybe fine or “What a shitshow!” We oversimplify. We ignore the nuance.

Let’s say today was a good day. And I hope for you it was. Was every aspect of the day “good”? Probably not. And yet it still qualifies as “good”, yes? And why is that?

Or think about an awful day you’ve had. Was it 100% terrible? There wasn’t anything positive that occurred? Of course there was. You woke up! You continued breathing! You made it to today. And when you look back, maybe something truly wonderful occurred as well. Yet, whatever gunk happened, it got called a “bad day.”

Just like we aren’t one thing — all good or all bad — everything has facets. But we oversimplify things into one of two categories: positive or negative. Or we might even pay it the complement of being meh. Which is almost an insult, right? Like it didn’t even make the effort to pick a side.

Imagine if we just stopped all that and accepted people, places and things as is, and not going the extra step to add a label. It would allow for the facets to shine, the nuance to be noted. Things would be allowed to be what they actually are. And, when we allow that, we take a lot of steam, stress and frustration out of the situation.

That labelling, without realizing it, without intending it, is judgment. Even if it’s positive judgment, judgment still clouds things. Because it happens in an instant. It’s a knee-jerk reaction. And once we label something with that judgment, it changes how we see it. And, if we describe that person, place or thing to others with our label, adding our judgment, we skew the view for others. We’ve dulled the facets. We dimmed the nuance.

It also causes us stress, even on a small level. Because either we have to carry that weight of the negative with us or the positive has to continue living up to that expectation. Not really worth it when we think about it, yes?

So, how do we work more acceptance into our lives? Especially when we are trying to change our lives…

What we tend to worry about with acceptance is quietly saying we’re okay with things as they are. That we don’t want more. That, if we accept the status quo, we’ll send the wrong message to the Universe. That, if we accept where we’re at, how things are, the Universe will be all, “Oh, they’re fine. Don’t need to give them any else. They’re happy with what they’ve got.”

Nope. Quite the opposite.