Hi, I’m Sandra. Welcome to The Happyist. Here we transform through holistic, eudaimonic happiness. Best part? It’s easy and kind of fun.
A few friends of mine are going through a hard time. Who isn’t, right? Their bumpies include personal upheavals and hospital stays. And when we hit our personal patch of black ice, everything feels out of our control.
But is everything out of our control? No, not everything. The things that are in our control are what we need to focus on.
Easier said than done when stuff is going wrong, falling apart or you are literally broken. As in bones that require surgery.
We’ve talked a little before about understanding this — knowing what’s in our control and what’s out of it, so we can home in on what we can take action on. Steer that ship instead of looking at the vessel we aren’t on. It’s a different way to say, “Mind your business.” But minding the business we own is key. Right? Because, right now, that’s what we can manage.
What we also need to do is notice what is working. What’s going right. Because, once we do that, we’ll notice even more things happening in our favor. Why? Because we are open to it. We are willing to recognize it. And doors open to more of that.
It’s a resetting of our RAS, the Reticular Activating System. That fun little filter in our brain that we can adjust to what we desire or are interested in. When you start to focus on the good stuff and the things that are working in your favor, you’ll start to see more of that. The reverse is true, but that’s almost the default due to Negativity Bias, something I’m talking about next week on the Happy Rebel podcast.
Is all this a little woo? Sure. But also true. Haven’t you noticed that? That once you break through the wall of despair and pay attention to what’s actually happening — not just the reel of doom playing in your head — you see the things working in your favor. Because things are always working in our favor. They may be small and off to the side in our periphery, but they are there. They aren’t always perfect, they won’t always solve the full problem, but they are there.
When you pay attention to them, you are giving your nervous system a chance to regulate a bit. Take your stress and worry down a notch. You breathe a sigh of relief and say, “Thank you.” Or, “Thank, gawd,” or even, “About damned time!” You might even catch yourself smiling. Don’t stop. Let yourself.
This is where appreciation starts its alchemy. I know I harp on this, and I hope it’s getting through. Appreciation is magic.
I use appreciation on purpose, because I can’t stand that G-word and the toxic positivity it implies. Just like happiness, we can mistake that appreciation is a big, show-and-dance emotion. It’s not. Appreciation grounds us, it is centering. It shifts the focus to where it should be. On the good shit.
And good shit comes in all shapes and sizes. It can make big entrances or it might squeak in. When it shows up, no matter how it arrives, say, “Thank you.” Sure, it might be half-hearted or sarcastic at first. Say it anyway. Unless you are content in that misery, cool with that continued skid on your personal patch of black ice.
And I know what it’s like to be okay with the skid. It’s what you know. It is oddly comfortable. But we know we shouldn’t just sit there. We know that we have to do something about it, we just aren’t sure about what.
Here’s what to do:
Say, “Thank you.” Notice the good and appreciate it.
I’m having this perspective challenged right now. I paid off my car in 2024. Some months later, the driver-side window mechanism broke. Not cheap. Then, in October, I needed the oil and brake fluid changed. When did that service get so effing expensive? Then I got rear-ended in November.
Three Fiats, all red, all tiny, all got hit. WTF?!
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