Hi, I’m Sandra. Welcome to The Happyist. Here we transform through holistic, eudaimonic happiness. Best part? It’s easy and kind of fun.
How do you feel when a friend or loved one comes to you with a problem — or, more specifically, a complaint — and you listen, take in what they’re sharing and give them the best advice you have, the options open to them…and they do nothing?
It’s frustrating AF, because this will go on for days, weeks, months or years. Sound familiar? We all have that one person…or we have been that person. Sure, we each deal with things in our own ways and timing…to an effing point. Because, if we get caught in the cycle of complaining or venting without taking action — or even baby steps, to solve the problem — we might actually be the problem!
Too harsh? I would lean toward accurate.
For some situations, we may be stuck in the complaining phase because we feel powerless, and so we seek comfort and validation from friends. And good friends say, Yes, this is a terrible situation. We totally agree with everything you’re telling us and support you 100%. That’s nice, right? It feels good to be supported and to give support. That is until the same story’s told for the umpteenth time, without any change or progress. Now the people giving the support feel like the time and energy they gave was ignored and poorly spent.
When your friends start changing the subject, it’s a hint that it’s time to change your tune.
We might be afraid to put forth the effort to solve the sitch because we’re afraid it won’t work. No one wants to fail or look like a loser. But, here’s the deal: The people who actually love you won’t see you that way. You shouldn’t see you that way. The only failure is refusing to try.
We might come from a family of complainers, so endless “venting” feels natural to us. It’s always someone else’s fault, so there’s nothing for us to do, except tell the story over and over of how we were wronged.
So wrong.
Or we’re stuck in a victim mindset, wanting to be rescued rather than saving ourselves. Honestly, who doesn’t want to be rescued? We were raised on tales of knights in shining armor riding in on white horses to save the day. Here’s the thing, though: I’m deathly allergic to horses. That was never going to work for me. But, yes, if someone had come along and erased all my problems and moved me further ahead on the gameboard of Life, that would’ve been nice.
Getting rescued isn’t going to happen, though. And, if it does, buyer beware! You might have entered into something co-dependent that will keep you stuck. And who wants that? (You know who wants that? Controlling people, that’s who.)
Look, we’ve all been there — one way or another at one time or another — stuck in our complaints. Because we are scared or sad or unsure. Very human. However, at some point we need to level-up and be more proactive instead of procrastinate-y.
So, how do you solve a problem? Simple.
