Malignant Optimism, Part I

Hi, I’m Sandra. Welcome to The Happyist. Here, we get unstuck through appreciation and holistic happiness. Best part? It’s easy and kind of fun.

Let’s talk about what I call Malignant Optimism, and let me know if this sounds familiar to you.

Let’s go back in time to when The Secret was a thing — and, in a weird way, it still is — and we were first taught the Law of Attraction. This was sort of a big deal. Like, our thoughts could just bring us things? Cool! And the only requirement is that we have to believe…I mean really believe? Sign me up!

And, so, we started believing. Really believing. And, sometimes, it worked! And others it didn’t. And when it didn’t, we were told it was because we didn’t really really believe. It was our fault. So, just believe more! Doesn’t matter if math and/or reality was staring you in the face. Ignore it because WHAT YOU WANT IS COMING TO YOU IF YOU REALLY REALLY BELIEVE! BECAUSE THAT’S THE LAW…of Attraction.

How do I put this delicately?

Fuck that shit.

Not completely, but a pretty good chunk of it. Here’s why.

Raise your hand if you’ve been told, “Leap and the net will appear!” And you believed it, because you believe in yourself, your abilities and the Law of Attraction. How many times did you leap and just go SPLAT?

I’ve splatted more than a few times. The first time was when I decided to go freelance about five minutes before the Dot Com bubble burst. But I believed in myself, and my abilities…and the Law of Attraction. I was going to succeed as a freelance writer until one of my screenplays was purchased and then I would be a successful screenwriter. I knew this was going to happen. I felt it in my bones.

You see where I’m sitting here today, yes?

During my deep belief in being a successful writer, I wrote a book. It was sort of a fluke. It just sort of happened. And I wanted it out by a certain time so, understanding how long it would take to find an agent and sell the book, even with the help of a connected friend, and even if we sold it right away, it wouldn’t be out before a full year, and I wanted it on shelves in four months. So I said, Fuck it!

I did the research, found the print-on-demand company the majors used, took a loan against my car to pay for the printing set-up costs, and somehow got my little independently published book into Virgin Megastores, Barnes & Noble stores in SoCal, and a bunch of independent and college bookstores. Go me! When the book was blurbed in Cosmopolitan, I thought, “This is it! I’ve arrived! I’ll be a bestseller!?” Didn’t see a blip in sales at all. At all! When I was blurbed by them the second time, I thought, “This is it!” The third time was, “I’m honored just to be quoted.”

There was the screenplay that had an actress attached and, before we were set to announce it, she passed away.

Then there was the screenplay with the investor so eager to invest, it was like magic. I was a producer on it and told the director/co-producer, “We need to set up the bank account and LLC right away, so we are ready when he is.” After a year of taking us to nice lunches and expensive dinners, and us jumping through every hoop he required, he respectfully bowed out, and we were left with $1,600 in LLC fees. There was a literal price for how much I believed.