More Than Mindset

Hi, I’m Sandra. Welcome to The Happyist.

We’re often told — whether we’re trying to manifest something or change our lives in a more straightforward way — that it’s all about our mindset. Focus on what you want. Use the correct (positive) language. Picture what you want already in existence. If you can dream it, you can hold it. You just have to set your mind to having it.

But how many of us have done all that and haven’t gotten anywhere? I’m suspecting everyone is raising their hand.

What we are learning, in a science-y sort of way, is that it’s more than just mindset. Our nervous system has a say.

Dr. Stephen Porges came up with the Polyvagal Theory back in 1994. It may sound familiar to you because the vagus nerve is really having a moment right now. And that’s a good thing.

Basically, this theory pulls into play how our nervous system — sometimes called our subconscious or ego in this regard — reacts to safety and danger. Our nervous system’s job is to keep us safe. That’s how we stay alive, right? That’s what some say of the ego. Others say it’s our subconscious. So, if you have a preferred term, or one is more familiar to you, please use that. I’m going to say nervous system or NS.

So, our nervous system wants us to be safe. And you know what the safest place for us to be is? Somewhere familiar. And here’s the rub: Even if the uncomfortable is familiar, our nervous system is happy to stay there rather than go someplace new and comfortable.

Think about that for a second. How often have we been stuck in a situation we don’t want to be in and we just can’t get out of it, no matter how our mindset is?

How often have we found ourselves dating the same type of person, even though we don’t want to go back to that kind of relationship dynamic?

Familiar is safe. Safe is what our nervous system wants. And this is why mindset — while it is important — is not enough.

Let me put it to you this way: We sense, before we feel, before we think, before we react.

I’ll say that again: We sense, before we feel, before we think, before we react.

We think it’s our brainy logic or our super emotions that are in charge but nope.

Our nervous system takes in more information than our brain. But we believe the opposite. We’ve been taught that. But we have 80% more information moving from our body to the brain than the opposite. Our nervous system is the bigger factor in how we go about changing our lives. We sense, before we feel, before we think, before we react. That’s not to say that mindset and paying attention to how we are navigating our emotions don’t play a role. All of those factors come into play. But the star of the show is our nervous system.

You’ve probably also heard of Upper Limiting, yes? That’s from Gay Hendricks’ book, THE BIG LEAP. This is where you get something good, something you’ve always wanted, and either some catastrophe comes along or you do something — intentional or unintentional/subconsciously — to ruin it. What we have is too good to be true, or at least that’s what our nervous system thinks, so it needs to go back to something familiar. Like chaos, drama, failure or other fun forms of disaster.

Any of that sound familiar? I’m raising my hand.