Getting Unstuck

Hi, I’m Sandra. Welcome to The Happyist.

So, let’s get unstuck. I’m assuming you are stuck — in at least one area of your life — because, pretty much, we all are. And here’s where the frustration comes from:

We’ve done our work. We’ve got our mindset set right. We know how to manifest because we watched The Secret or have read Dr. Doty, or name it here. We’ve gotten our chakras aligned…maybe. We do our G-word journals. Like, we are doing it!

And yet…

And yet we aren’t getting what we want or where we want or who we want. And it’s beyond frustrating because WE’VE DONE THE WORK, FFS! What more does the Universe want from us?!!? Just deliver, already! Why is this so hard?

In one word: trauma. Big T or little t. And that affects us in ways we may not realize. This can go back to childhood, or last week. And I know the T-word can cause a reaction, so I’m just going to call it stuff.

We all carry around stuff, and some of this stuff we’ve carried around so long, we forget we even have it. It’s tucked behind us so we can’t see it. But it’s there and it shows up as blocks. It shows up when we find ourselves stuck. So, that’s why a lot of the work we do doesn’t do much to unstuck us.

We covered this a bit in the “More Than Mindset” post. Because what we need to get unstuck is more than believing deeply, and remaining what I call malignantly optimistic. It’s more than writing down what we want, doing our mantras and affirmations and vision-boarding. It’s more than all of that. It’s deeper than all of that and, at the end of the day, it’s easier than all of that.

We get stuck, and remain stuck, because of two slightly uncomfortable truths caused by our stuff: 1) Our nervous system/ego/subconscious/inner child, whatever you want to call it, wants us to be safe, and safe is right where we are at. No matter how good for us what we desire is, it doesn’t matter. Our nervous system, etc., doesn’t give a fiddler’s fart about that. It knows what it knows, and it knows that stuck where you’re at is safe. It doesn’t care if that stuck makes you miserable. It’s safe. How do we know it’s safe? Because you are alive and reading/watching/listening to this.

And: 2)…and this is the part where you might get a little mad at me, but hear me out. I’ve been there. I’ve lived there. And I would be mad at me, too, if I said this to me, but here it goes…There’s a part of you — yes, YOU you — that doesn’t want what you think you want.

Don’t be mad. I’m just the messenger delivering the turd burger of truth, which is part of our stuff. And, if it did piss you off a little, that might be because it did ring true.

And isn’t that the worst?!

So, how do we get unstuck?

Photo by Herve Renard on Unsplash

First, we learn how to feel safe, not only with where we’re right now, in that stuck place, but how to feel safe with the new stuff we want.

Second, we have to get honest with ourselves about why we don’t want what we say we do want.

Here’s how: Baby steps.

Oh, you’re mad at me again. That’s okay. Stick with me.

When we’re looking for big change, sometimes we need it to come incrementally. And it has to feel comfortable and real in our body, where our nervous system is king.

We think it’s our brain or our emotions that are in charge but they aren’t. Our nervous system takes in 80% more information, moving it from our body to our brain, than in the opposite direction. And that info moves superfast. It’s the whole “We sense before we feel before we think before we react” axiom I’ve shared. And isn’t it true? Think about it. You’ll react to a vibe in the room before anyone says a word. There is literally no information being exchanged, just a sense that your nervous system takes in and communicates. You’ve experienced that, right? And when you share that feeling, someone will try to make you feel silly about it, because there was literally not a word said or action made for you to come to that assessment. But it’s not silly. It’s protective. It’s instinctual. It’s wise. And it’s stubborn.

So, think about what you want, the most important thing you want right now. When you think about it, how does it feel in your body? Does it feel good and light and warm, or whatever sensations feel positive for you? Or do you feel a tightness, a constriction, fear, heaviness, cold, or reactions that you consider uncomfortable? If it doesn’t feel good and safe and honest for you, it’s going to be blocked and you’re going to stay stuck.

With our nervous system (ego, subconscious, inner child, whatever), we need to befriend it. Be in communication with it. Get to know it and understand it. And we can do this just by feeling. By paying attention. Noticing how we feel when certain things are brought up, in the situations we’re in, and throughout the day. We need to get to know how we feel and what brought on that feeling. We also need to learn how to regulate our nervous system. You can go back to that “More Than Mindset” post for more explanation.